St. George Getaway!

At the first of April my mom drove my kids and I down to St. George to get a little break from the couch life. We also brought Grandma Murray along and met my sister Trish and her family as well as my brother Robb and his family. So it made for a lovely cousins getaway.

 The fact that I take so many pictures of Pyper is really a problem. I think it's because at this phase she is my right hand little lady. But she just melts me. Like really melts me.

 I couldn't do much walking due to the little bedrest issue but the kids jumped out of the van and ran to touch the temple. It is such a lovely place of peace for us.

 I find bedrest to be best next to the pool while catching some rays. Unfortunately Pyper got sunscreen in her eye and looked like one eyed pete for the afternoon. :(

 Few things are quite as yummy as popsicles with cousins. I think it was like 8:30 in the morning when the popsicles came out. Par-tay!

 This is the result of a successful day. Half naked baby because of playing in rivers and having way too much fun.

We drove out to sparkle mountain and it was so fun to watch the kids digging for crystals. We all had so much fun there.

 Uncle Robb helped Pyper get a special crystal.

The bigger kids went on a hike up leeds canyon so we sat at the splash pad for the afternoon. It was so much fun. These two just played and played.

 Monkey see monkey do!

This. Is. Hard.

This is hard.  Am I allowed to say that? Well today I am. This. Is. Hard. I'm pretty hesitant to ever complain about my circumstance because quite frankly my situation is ideal. If I complained about my kids not eating well, I'd have 3 meals at my door that night. You think I'm joking, right? I'm not. My relief society is incredible. They've offered to clean my toilets weekly, bring me dinners nightly and take my kids on play dates. They're truly spectacular.

 If I told my family I was feeling blue my siblings and in laws would show up with smoothies and a joke book.  My mom has come almost daily to clean up breakfast and drop loads of laundry on the couch next to me to let me fold. So really what reason do I have to complain? If anything I can only see bounteous blessings.
  
   But if I'm 100% truthful I'd say that sometimes I lose my Pollyanna spirit. Last night I curled up to my husband and cried. I simply said, "this is hard babe." Sympathy is not usually is strongest suit but I suppose we are both learning something from this. He hugged me and said, "I know Hun, it is."

   Yesterday I was feeling inadequate as a mother.  I told my boy enthusiastically that he was going to go to a park. His face lit up and he replied, "yes mom but will you be there to watch me?" His face dropped when I said, "not today but another mom will be there". Its tough to not be there for your kids. I miss the ability to cook for them or play outside with them. I've been filled with guilt as family and strangers have had to shoulder the responsibility of dressing, feeding, and entertaining my family. Of course they kindly say that they are happy to help, which I truly believe they are. However, swallowing your pride and being served is harder then I expected.
   
   My husband Mitch has also shouldered much of the burden and without complaint. He's been sweet as after a day of work he goes about the house cleaning before bed. And although I am tremendously grateful for him the guilt is tough.
    Yes the daily boredom is annoying, It really is like ground hog day. Each day the exact same. Yes the anxiety of a difficult pregnancy can be hard, and the thought of doing this for potentially 25 more weeks is haunting. But sitting back and having everything completed for you is guilt riddling.

    You always read in books about maids and servants and think about how nice life would be in that type of culture. But this new perspective has allowed me to be immensely grateful for the ability to parent, provide, and progress on this earth. To have a body for which most of my life has worked flawlessly. Health is a gift. Perhaps one of the ones  I've taken most for granted.
   
    My hope is that one day, i'll look back and read this post and remember that spilled milk is still spilled milk. That the ability to grab a rag and wipe it up is an honor. A walk to the park is more then a walk to the park. It's legs that move, sunshine that kisses, and muscles getting strengthened with each movement.  A messy kitchen means I can provide meals for my family, and a clean and orderly house means I can provide an environment where we can all grow. Life is gift. Living is a blessing. Each day should be counted.

The blessing of bedrest. No need for makeup and lots of snuggle time. 

Easter Fun!

Easter is such a fun holiday. Lucky for me, my mom took over and made sure the kids had something to put in their easter basket. it was a blessing that I had most of their easter outfits bought before i got put on bedrest. 

Here is  a very typical morning picture. Ellie's hair in a million knots and Pyper super grumpy until she finally wakes up.

Your typical Easter pictures

 Beautiful Ellie

 My mom does the funnest easter egg hunt. She fills the eggs with coins and the occasional dollar bills. Max was ecstatic to get a $5.  She even has a special egg hunt for the adults with a coveted $20. Today I was a spectator (bedrest) and it was quite fun to watch the adults sprint for a few bucks. :)

Happy Birthday Pyper!!

 Happy Birthday to our little Pyper!  This girl is an absolute joy who is full of love. As expected at the age of 2 she is an absolute tornado. She is into everything and anything. Makeup, flour, toys, and anything sweet. She follows her brother and sister around and just adores them. With reason too, they dote on her too. We are so lucky to have her in our family.

Here they are this morning before being shipped off. Being on bedrest has been tough on these guys. Mostly El. Today they were sent to a sweet family in our ward that they weren't quite familiar with. Ellie is full of anxiety right now since I went to the hospital. So she was a disaster this morning. The family they went to put them at ease and made the morning special.

At noon my sister in law Ashlee picked us up (Even me, hurrah!) and we went to the park where she had a picnic complete with cupcakes and cousins prepared. I just sat on the lawn and enjoyed the sun while we talked and enjoyed the kids. I'm so grateful for a good family.

El looks like an old lady here but oh how she loves this horse merry go round.

Sweet Mitch came and took the kids to boondocks tonight. He of course maintains his 'Dad Hero' status.  Everyone came home happy.

We had birthday cake last night at my mom's house. Ellie and I made the cake (I sat there and told her what to do.) Grandma helped us cook it and frost it. My sister Trish came and saw it and started singing, "Egg's, Flour, MILLLKKK".  Referring to Sleeping Beauties disastrous cake made by her aunts. It looked kindof terrible. That being said, every last bite was eaten up!!  Happy Birthday Pyper!

Bedrest, A Trial of our Faith

Mitch and I have been so excited to be pregnant this year.  Getting pregnant is usually an ordeal for us so when the Clomid worked on our first month we were giving each other a fist bump for ending the 'crazy pill'. We were so excited to announce our new arrival and were even more thrilled when I hit that beloved 12 week mark and and the doctor gave us the green light to tell people that all was well. We announced it to friends and family with this picture.

Upon hitting that 12 week mark I FINALLY was starting to feel good. For some reason this one has made me sicker then ever (I'm blaming it on my old age...29).  I was counting my blessing for feeling better and so relieved that I wouldn't be sick forever (I was beginning to think i'd throw up every day for the rest of my life). 3 days after our happy, healthy 12 week appointment I found the energy to change out some of the kids clothes. However, while I was kneeling on the floor folding clothes I felt some bleeding and my heart sank. I whipped the kids into the car and headed to the hospital in tears. My heart was broken. I felt so sad to be losing this baby.

      By the time I got to the hospital I had lost a lot of blood and was kinda devastated. My mom and Mitch met me at the ER and my mom took the kids. I was losing so much blood and admittedly panicking that I started passing out in the waiting room. Sweet Mitch made sure they got me back quick and they started me on IV's that made me feel much better however the bleeding continued.  If you don't know Mitch, then you may not know that I married an eternal optimist. He is ALWAYS so positive.  He kept saying, 'we don't know that we lost the baby' whenever i'd fall into sobs. (DISCLAIMER: I'm not usually a big crier, but this was hard for me. Okay now I feel better about this post.) He continued to remind me of a blessing he gave me a few days earlier saying that the baby and I would deliver fine and be healthy. After having 3 different people come in and tell us that 'this is what happens during a miscarriage' and tell us the next steps  in this process I was beginning to feel less hopeful. I could see doubt in Mitch's face too but he remained positive.

The doctor explained that we'll probably just do a quick blood test then proceed with the procedure. I turned to Mitch and told him I really would like to do an ultrasound no matter what the blood test said. It bothered me that I saw a healthy baby days before and now we were in this spot. We explained that to the doctor and he agreed without hesitation. He was a really sweet doctor. When I would tear up Mitch would say, "let's just wait and see, I feel calm".

 After watching half a ball game, They wheeled  me down to ultrasound.  The technician started the ultrasound.  He turned the screen toward me and said, "I'm not allowed to say anything but I can show you this screen, this is a baby, this is a heart beat and it looks like it's sucking on its hand as happy as can be. Now I just need to help you figure out where the blood is coming from."   After more waiting the sweet doctor came back and told me the baby was fine but I have a tear in my placenta. Possibly next to a vein which is causing so much bleeding. He proceeded to tell us that he usually does not see a baby survive with that much loss of blood.  The hope is to keep it from tearing more and this is done through bed rest... And lots of it. The bleeding continued for 9 days while on bedrest then finally stopped. It has been a huge relief to have it stopped.

   That night my dad and Mitch gave me another blessing. This time my Dad gave it. In that blessing he repeated almost verbatim what Mitch said about a healthy delivery and healthy baby. He had no idea about Mitch's blessing that he gave me 3 days previous.  It was one of those, 'how can I ever doubt this gospel' moments. The Priesthood power on earth is real. God is real. He is aware of us and loves us. He is literally laced into every single aspect of our lives. He is amazing. How grateful I am for that.

  The plan for now is bedrest til 20 weeks then have an ultrasound and evaluate at that point. When Mitch said our prayers that night. He said, "thank you Father for trying our faith." He definitely passed and I'm now working on having his faith. When anxiety comes to my mind I re hear the promise of the blessing in my mind. However, I am also reminded that I have to keep my promise and that is doing what the doctors say and stay down.

 Let me tell you what, laying in bed is not as glamorous as it looks. And I've found that being served is much harder then serving myself. To  be continued...

Happy Birthday Maxwell!

 Happy 4th Birthday to our cute Max.  This picture is one of my favorites. Max loves his dad and his sisters so much...but mostly his dad. There is nobody in the world cooler then dad. Max is a happy boy mixed in with a 0-60 temper. However, once he throws his tantrum and walks to his room, give him a minute alone and he comes back just as cool as a cucumber. He loves riding his bike, playing with his friends and catching bugs with Ellie.  He is a joy to have around and we are so glad he is in our family.

 Max wanted a Lion birthday party with his cousins this year. I tried to convince him for a friend birthday party (he only has about 4 friends) but he insisted on having all 24 cousins. Yikes. Thus, we had it at the church and had a crepe bar (his favorite).

 Of course a Piñata. I made 1 piñata for a birthday party and now it's a must. I make them out of old diaper boxes which are quite indestructible which is actually ideal because all 24 cousins got a few good whacks!

 Pyper was quite confused by the whole Piñata thing. So she just sat off to the side with a terribly confused look at why someone would dare hurt this poor tiger.

 Of course, presents. Max loved each one.  We so love living close to cousins. What a joy they are in our life. Happy birthday Max man.

Disneyworld!

The cold and inversion of January/February always puts a little bee in my bonnet to go and be somewhere warm.  I've wanted to take my kiddos to Disneyland because their all at such a fun age so I started to do a little financial research. Then Mitchell came home and told me he had a buisness trip to Florida, so my financial planning changed and I conviently found plane tickets to Florida for $99 that same week he would be there! I was pretty excited.  The good mom in me suggested I wait until April to go, Ellie would be off track and we would have more time to plan. However, by April both Pyper and Max would have a birthday which would increase the cost of our trip by nearly 800 dollars (an extra set of plane tickets, and park tickets).  There was also this strange thought in my mind of "do it now, April won't work". Which is a funny thought (bc as you'll read in my next blog, April would be impossible for us to go due to health problems). So off we went!

I told Mitch that I wanted to go on a vacation that felt like a vacation to me. So I got a pkg from Disney for $2700 that included all food (including character dining 1 time a day, and 5 days at the parks, and hotel). Mitch has a tendency to choke every time and become a tad grumpy every time we have to buy a hot dog for $1O from Disney.  So we bit the bullet when I bought the pass in Utah, and he really was so wonderfully pleasant as we simply scanned our bracelet each meal and enjoyed it without arguing about the cost. This trip was a BIG splurge for us but we had a great time.

 These ladies were hilarious. True to their character the entire time and found each of the children quite disgusting!

 Max LOVES peter pan and Jake and the neverland pirates. So this was especially cool to him.

 We went to Animal Kingdom which was alright (we liked Magic Kingdom most.)  However there were some pretty cool aspects to it like this AMAZING tree lady on stilts. She kinda freaked Pyper and I out. Did I mention it was FREEZING the week we went. The locals said it had not been this cold in years (go figure). It was 45 degrees this day.

 The cold weather made for fantastic lines. Evidently Florida people don't do 'cold'. So when the Elsa and Anna line was 5 minutes long I asked Ellie if she wanted to go. She said, "no, not really." Which is true to form. She's not much of a princess girl. But I felt wrong passing by a 5 minute line when most Americans wait for HOURS to see them. I made them go take a picture anyway.

 I've always wondered why people would pay for charecter dining (we are usually quite cheap people), however, this trip made me see the light. The Kids LOVED meal times.

Max was chosen to be Captain Jack Sparrows helper on stage, a calling that was taken very seriously by this budding pirate. He was hilarious and was just beaming to be up there. Disney really is amazing.